Fat-Phobia, Stereotypes and Cultural Shaming
By Sarah Hamel-Smith, The Curvy Trini
I used to hate that I was given a fat body to live in. Now I am grateful for it and understand why. To work arduously to combat these damaging stereotypes and stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.
A recent article I read entitled “7 Ways Thin People Romantically Exploit Fat People” by Virgie Tovar touched me deeply and it got me thinking.
As I have shared before at 12 years old my uncle told me that fat girls are only good to have sex with and no one wants to marry them. In his own dark and twisted way he was trying to protect me from the world he knew I was growing up into.
Many men are very sexually and emotionally attracted to women with larger more curvaceous bodies.
They act out these desires in the shadows, hiding fat women in their bedrooms and dismissing the encounters as booty calls; their friends teasing them afterwards, calling them chubby chasers.
These women have been marginalized and brainwashed for their entire lives. They allow themselves to be subjected to this sub-par treatment because society has told them over and over again…
You are fat. You are disgusting. You are only good for sex. You are not girlfriend material. You are not wife material. Men are ashamed to be seen with you. You are worthless.
Slender = Good/ Worthy
Some of the most beautiful bodies house some of the most disgusting and horrifying souls. We know this deep down. The way a person looks on the outside does not determine what kind of person they are. We have heard this story over and over before, but somehow it is getting lost in translation. There is a serious error in the way that society defines what is desirable and beautiful. The result is millions of people walking this planet feeling bad about themselves, and accepting terrible treatment. I know because I was one of them.
The fat phobic attitude that permeates society dehumanizes fat people. They are not salient beings with hearts and minds and feelings.
No matter what they do, or how active a lifestyle they live, people with fat bodies are reduced to being greedy, lazy slime balls that are just there to be used and abused.
This is the exact type of behavioural, psychological and cultural violence against fat people that I seek to challenge and change.
Fat people are discriminated against in the workplace, in relationships, in grocery stores, in airports. Fat people are often discriminated against by their own families.
This article articulates so incredibly what so many fat women simply cannot find the words to say. We know that something is wrong, but we are being gas lighted…everyone around acts like it is OK to exploit us and tell us terrible things about our appearance often under the disguise of concern for our health.
As though this treatment is normal… that fat people are not deserving of loving healthy relationships.
I am here to tell you this is not the truth. This treatment is not normal. That sinking feeling you have in the pit of your belly every time someone discriminates against you or tells you something unkind is right. Use it as a guide. Stand up for yourself. Take back your power.
You are strong, beautiful and worthy of that daytime out with friends kind of love.
Any person who tells you how beautiful and sexy they think you are in private but ignores you in public and tries to use you as a booty call is not worth another second of your time. Block them, delete their number. Tell them to go to hell.
There are loving partners out there who will show you off to their family and friends proudly, who will love you and take care of you and make you their wife.
Every second you waste on some weak loser who is so insecure and terrified of what their friends will think they cannot follow their heart… you could be spending with someone who honours you and sees your value.
In case no one has told you this, it is ok to tell a hot guy or girl to shove it. It is ok to say this does not feel right I don’t like the way you are treating me/ touching me/ speaking to me and walk away.
It is ok to tell someone who comments on your appearance that your body is none of their concern and they are rude and out of place.
We decide our value by the way we act. We tell others how to treat us by the way we respond to them.
If something or someone feels wrong, walk away. You are clearing space for someone much better to enter. Know your value, know your worth with every single inch of your being. It is time to stop apologizing for who you are…and demanding more.
Fat people are smart.
Fat people are beautiful.
Fat people are sexy.
Fat people are worthy of love and respect.
Fat people are serious relationship and marriage material.
Fat people are sexy, powerful bad asses.
Fat people are HUMAN.
Bio: Sarah Hamel-Smith is a plus-sized model, communications professional, blogger, storyteller and Instagram influencer. She lives between the island she was born on, Trinidad and her soul’s home Manhattan, NYC. Follow her on Instagram @thecurvytrini and subscribe to her blog at www.thecurvytrini.com for regular doses of Style, Inspiration and Empowerment.